Friday, December 16, 2005

Just Say No!


I'd like to speak candidly to you all about an abhorent social phenomenon spreading through Northern Virginia. Each year more people wrecklessly follow this trend, flagrantly disregarding pragmatism. These new adopters will spread this horrible habit on to younger unsuspecting victims. Yes, I'm talking about wiperuperitis.

Three or four years ago Northern Virginia drivers, under the guise of protecting their windshield wipers, during the winter began lifting their windshield wipers to the skies after parking. At this point I have yet to hear a "oh my god, did you hear what happened to Jimmy's windshield wipers" story, but the buzz on the streets is that this is to save people from the inconvenience of scraping around the wipers should we get a large amount of freezing rain. I have not seen this trend in areas more accustomed to harsh winter conditions (NY, Michigan). Perhaps the drivers of Northern Virginia are simply that much smarter. Perhaps not.

Here is a hypothetical situation: Lets say last night our area were coated with an inch of freezing rain. I did not put my wipers up, but the guy in the parking space next to me did. Would there be an "I told you so" look from the guy next to me? Would he be able to scrape that inch of ice off his car much more quickly than I? Are raised wipers somehow immune to ice accumulation? Would I become so enraged with my inability to free my wipers from the windshield that I would regretfully destroy them trying? I'm thinking no.