Friday, September 16, 2005

Hair Cuttery

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Following my bimonthly haircut ritual yesterday I strolled into the Hair Cuttery. Now perhaps they aren't known for the most high-quality cuts, but given that my hair is far from a stylistic nightmare they manage the job. When you go into the cuttery you get to type on a kick ass green screen terminal your first name and the name of the stylist (if any) you would prefer to have. I usually exploit this tiny chance for creativity by picking a name like Ichabaud or Beelzebub, but this time I decided to take a different approach. I have christened my series in random nouns with "Tomato". As I sat down to read the 4-month-old copy of Ebony while I waited, I wondered how I would contain my boyish laughter as the stylist called out my name. To my surprise, when she pulled up my name she did not look confused, amused, or anything of the sort. I suspect that because I was the only one waiting there was no confusion as to who was next.

This brings me to my second point about the Hair Cuttery. Take this not as a stereotype, but as an observation of my experiences at low-end hair establishments throughout the northern Virginia area. The more asian the stylist, the better the cut. There, I said it. Now you may ask "how can one asian be more or less asian than another"? Well, I'm glad you asked. Let's say you get a hawaiian dude - that would be more asian than the white caucasian trailer-trash lady. Philipino lady would be more asian than the Hawaiian. An Eskimo would be less asian than the Hawaiian. A Korean dude with silk pinstripe pants and man-heels is even more asian than that - thus you'd go to him. Now, the better cut seems to come from a particular attention to detail which is nearly absent in spanish or mideterranian stylists I have had. They have cared about my hair much more than I do. Again, I am not suggesting that there is some hard or fast rule, I'm just saying what my experiences are - and at this point I feel that I have more than a satistically significant sample size. I have never cared or selected a stylist. The white dude with the kooky lisp and glasses that hosed up my hair three months ago will get another shot if he comes up at random. Anyone else have any kooky theories related to race, height, weight, or hair color as they are related to service in our day-to-day lives? Are short people worse drivers? Is the younger cashier ususally faster? No holds barred, lets hear 'em.


  1. oh, did the asian dude with the incredibly long pinky nail cut your hair again? he always seems to do the best job, although his nail is seriously frightening.

  2. Yeah - don't give free reign to a urban trendy hispanic gay male, or you will end up with the back of your head turning into something called a "fade" or a "faze" or something like that. Probably a good look for urban trendy gay hispanics, but not so much on me.

  3. actually my fine cut came from a younger asian woman with tight pants. she was uber massaging when it came to shampoo time. if I had to guess I'd say she was Vietnamese based on listening to her talk to another lady for a minute. she did not try to give me a faze.