King Kong: Mid-Movie Review
Tuesday, April 4th, 2006
Conventionally, a movie review reader would presume that the reviewer had watched the entire film. Don and Mike do a bit where they review movies that they have not seen. This time I’m going to break the mold a bit and give a short review of this “blockbuster” mid-stream.
I just paused the movie because frankly it’s garbage and I have to decide whether I would like to light any more of my time ablaze. I have things to do that are probably more important than watching this movie, or even writing these words. Yes, cleaning the bathroom is actually sounding more appealing than finishing this movie.
Lets talk CGI. King Kong has no shortage of it. The textures, colors, lighting, detail - all amazing. Combine that with physics that is more similar to Super Mario World than the real world and green-screen quality that makes the local weather man look like he is actually flying over the continental United States and you’ve got a recipe for pure popcorn entertainment. You’ve outdone yourselves this time Hollywood. Seriously, the graphics professionals are obviously dedicated and likely well-educated individuals who have completely disregarded the idea of newtonian physics.
The scene that turned me is when the crew of the USS Lameplot are running away from the charging brontosaurus’. First the bronto’s are running faster, then slower, then the same speed as the people. All the while both the strides and pace of the people and the dinosaurs stays the same - ahh Hollywood magic. I am a particular fan of the obvious white studio light that brings out the bluer skintones of the actors as they run from the rendered dinosaurs clearly given a tropical colored lighting. Don’t mind the lack of shadows - a lot of people don’t know this, but Jack Black actually does not have a shadow. Come on guys, at least they could have hired the professionals from Who Framed Roger Rabit to add some realism.
To abrubtly end this rant as my attention span winds down - KING KONG is poop!
